I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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