OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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