Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
