guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
