her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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