I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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