you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
