We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
