and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
