it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
