I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize