Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
