Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm passing your future prison.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
