i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
