So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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