I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize