you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
