We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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