theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
