Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
