You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
