What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
