She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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