Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
