Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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