I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
