Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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