so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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