So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
