the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just tell him i said nine months
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
