So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
