remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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