It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
