have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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