i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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