I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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