When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize