My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
