I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
