Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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