between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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