can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he thought i was a dude.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
