Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
