How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
