She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
