dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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