I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
