I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
