i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
