Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
