Don't make out with my wife yet
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
