Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
