I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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