Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
