My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
