the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize