oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
