your thong is hanging out like whoa
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
