Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we made out on top of his cat.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
