Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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