hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
