she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize