jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize