Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
