why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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