i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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