hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
