It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
