dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I AM VODKA MAN
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
