You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
