What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize